the Danger Board

some questions that have been asked of the Danger Board:

who are you?
we are the Danger Board.
and why?
we applied to be Martha Reeves and the Vandellas but that position had already been filled.
what is your purpose?
the Danger Board is, first and foremost, a band. as an addendum to this base function, the Danger Board is a band that plays rock songs. the Danger Board primarily plays these songs with music but will also use guitars to that end where necessary. in summary, the Danger Board is a band that plays rock with music (and guitars).
why is it that the "good" swimmers are the ones who seem to drown the most?
what you seek is a definition of 'hubris'.
whatever happened to grebo?
at last report, grebo was living out its twilight years in complacent (if vestigial) comfort within the corpus of a Seattle software engineer and game developer.
do they re-use bodybags?
they are recycled back into bread.
where does the toast go?
it is recycled back into bread.
is that the band ephraim's in?
ephraim e. ephraimson does, indeed, fit within the spatial confines of the Danger Board. this was one of the prerequisites of his hire.
when's your next show?
thanks for asking. you can look here for all the most current information concerning upcoming concerts.
why is there no bowling here like at memory lanes?
indeed... and why no business like show business?
?epod no uoy era ?siht daer uoy t'nac yhw
asking multiple questions at once can often be confusing but every effort will be made to address each of your queries as completely as possible in the space below (in no particularly order):
1)yes, 2)seven, 3)no, 4)no, 5)no, 6)yes, 7)turtle [what?], 8)what? [this is a question], 9)[see below]
why?
in the space below, you will find the requested elaborations on the responses given to the preceding question (again, in no particular order):
1)we found it that way, 2)yes, 3)what?[this is a question], 4)there had to be enough for each of us to take a bit home afterward and we needed to leave some on the plate too so we didn't look greedy, 5)it was here a moment ago, 6)"we'll break your kneecaps, ya know...", 7)cuz, 8)that's what the little fork on the end is for, 9)[this space intentionally left blank], ,
whatever happened to pong?
i suspect it has suffered a fate similar to that of grebo (see above).
what is the square root of 6?
it is less than 3 but more than 2... the Danger Board is an integral band. we will only approximate. we will never decimate.
is it a clear and present danger board?
our presence is clear. as is our danger. the board is only sensed after the fact, however. collusion or conspiracy? perhaps you will never know...
why can't i get laid all of the time?
perhaps you are viewed as unappealing due to an odor or a blemish. or perhaps it is your decision to spend unseemly amounts of time cavorting in clubs and asking provacative questions about your sex-life of the musicians performing therein.
what is the landspeed velocity of a.... fuck it.
the Danger Board respectfully declines to entertain questions of this sort. we thank you for your question and encourage you to contribute another at our earliest mutual convenience.
where, oh where, has my little dog gone?
she has adopted a new handle (perhaps to get away from you) and is currently pursuing an advanced degree in the North Carolina
who is the weakest link?
honestly, after the initial game, our interest in the Legend of Zelda series was sort of minimal.
do you like rabbits?
rabbits was okay. naomi watts is pretty cute.
can i become a member of this elusive "Danger Board"?
yes. we welcome all interested parties to apply for membership in the Danger Board. simply acquire Form 56C-REQ-J/X from your nearest Danger Board regional office, complete it and mail it to 713 Serviette Ln, Extranapkinville, NY 11223. Upon review of your completed 56C-REQ-J/X, the Danger Board will respond to the return address provided (this should appear on line 67 of the form-- make certain to double check this line for accuracy!) within 7-10 business day. You will received either a yellow 56C-RESP-J/P Notice indicating that the Danger Board requires more information before a decision can be made regarding your application, a red 56C-RESP-J/N notice indicating that your service in the Danger Board is not desired at this time (though interested parties may reapply in 7 months by re-submitting Form 56C-REQ-J/X) or a green 56C-RESP-J/Y notice with an enclos--
for real! i want to join!
the Danger Board finds your impatience irksome. from this time forward, we are no longer accepting applications via Form 56C-REQ-J/X and all outstanding 56C-RESP-J/P Notices are hereby converted to 56C-RESP-J/N notices. we apologize to those who are negatively impacted by this policy change imposed to manage the boorish behavior of a troublesome minority of applicants. please watch the HR page for future updates to the Danger Board application process as they become available.
where is the G-spot?
try here.
is mighty mouse really all that mighty?
[see below]
nope. he's high and mighty. wearing tighty whities.
[this is not a question]
if a woman has an orgasm in the middle of a forest and no one is there to hear her, do she make a sound?
yes. perhaps it is 'sklunj'!
will the band alabama thunder pussy ever live up to their name?
you brought 'er. perhaps it should be your responsibility to alabama thund 'er pussy...
can you find fire crotch ashley a hot piece of ass for fun times?
the lack of punctuation in this question makes its meaning dubious and ambiguous. we must presume, however, that you are enlisting the Danger Board in some sort of scavenger hunt in which we are meant to find the above-mentioned items. to date, the Danger Board has managed to locate item #1 [fire], item #2 [crotch], item #3 [ashley] and item #4 [a hot piece of ass]. as of this update (11/21/2008), the Danger Board has found only half of the "for [sic] fun times" but, upon locating the two remaining "fun times," this page will be updated to indicate that the scavenger hunt has been successfully completed!
turn over?
yes, you see the joke functions as a play on the confusion between the act of turning over and the dessert known as an apple turn-over. get it?
why are you so awesome?
what is the cumulative weight of the band when calculated in mice?
the Danger Board's weight in mice has been calculated as approximately:
15squirmy and 7disease-ridden (+/- 10adorable)
why are you called Danger Board?
this band is not (and has never been) called 'Danger Board.' this band is (and has always been) called 'the Danger Board.'
if you were a tree, what would you do for our company?
leave!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .
[i don't get it.]
are you full of know-ledge like a mother board of a computer & strong like danger mouse?
yes, the know-ledge with which the Danger Board is filled bears many similarities to a mother board. the most salient similarities include: susceptibility to damage from water and static electricity, stylistic tendency toward green with copper accents, dependence on a variety of proprietary connectors and user manuals translated from chinese. to address the post-conjunctive portion of your question, while a direct analysis is difficult to make, the Danger Board's strength is likely quite comparable to that of a cartoon mouse.
who is a greater musical influence on you: Karl Ditters von Dittersdorf or Johann Nepomuh Hummel?
i will direct your attention once again to the media page of this site. upon listening to the selections found there, i am certain that the answer to your question will be immediately evident!
did you put the god damn "s" on our set list?!
that was a decision made by Legal. it turns out that the term "et list" is trademarked and so we were advised to change all of our "et lists" to read "set list" in order to avoid potential litigation.
could you tell me why there's not a hot chick in your band?
as of this update (11/21/2008), Belinda Butcher will still not return our calls.
~~why does Noah suck?~~
for fun and profit! would you like to make $200? $300? $2300 a day in your spare time? you can! simply find one of the helpful volunteers wearing a "Suck? Ask Me How!" button at the Danger Board's next show and ask for an informational brochure. before long, you could be sucking your way to an exciting and lucrative future... just like Noah!
why does prozak rat rock
how many beans are in the fuckin can?
these were the original lyrics to Bauhaus' 1983 hit, "She's in Parties".
if the beans are stolen are they worth as much if they spill?
as the old saying goes, 'a stolen bean saves nine'... so, i guess the answer is 'less than that!'
[what?]
does jarrin's mom do weekends?
no. 'weekends' is a song by the Danger Board. listen to it here. ma jarrinson is yet to be featured on any of the Danger Board's songs.
why don't you sound more like the rolling stones?
what would the name of your 48 hr. film be?
i don't think there needs to be a third 48 hrs film. i think that most of the loose ends were satisfactorily tied up in 1990's another 48 hrs. instead, i think i would like to stage an intervention on behalf of nick nolte. things are really getting out of hand for him. for example, i hear that for the scenes in which his character is not supposed to be intoxicated, they have found that it is actually easier to just have a 'sober double' stand in for him. seriously, nick nolte is a man with problems...
what guitar?
precisely.
why is orange better than everything?
ask the moose !
what did the dangerboard do to my mom?
the Danger Board called your mother on her birthday on your behalf.
and why?
because you are an ill-mannered and unappreciative lout of a son and/or daughter.